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Useful, but not emotionally equpped - --

May 09,2008 8:03am by forgetmenot

May 08,2008 10:53pm by nuckinfutz

Ok, I see now this is in Anapest. I shall restructure... - For she drowned making waves in impervious caves,
And she took with her all were aboard it.
And the ranting and the chanting were heard not by one.
Though she sank to the brine, we adored it.

May 07,2008 10:48pm by forgetmenot

What do you call a very flexible cannibal giving himself oral sex? - Ouroboros.

May 07,2008 10:56am by LCD

It should be 11-9-11-9 syllables (give or take one or two for each line) - I suppose the last entry could be shoehorned in as the following:

For she-e-e drow-ow-owned ma-a-king waves
And was swi-i-iftly keyboarded.
With i-i-its hear-ar-art hi-id in caves
A-a-and its intellect hoarded

May 07,2008 10:47am by nuckinfutz

For she drowned making waves, - And was swiftly keyboarded.
With its heart hid in caves,
And its intellect hoarded.

May 06,2008 7:50pm by forgetmenot

This isn't very good, but just to get it started . . . - The legend lives on from LCD on down
Of the small website they call Bestandworst
As the fun websites go, it was crazier than most
Set sail there if it's craziness you thirst

May 05,2008 11:21pm by nuckinfutz

The oldest profession - A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

May 02,2008 10:14am by justanother

But I cannot love her - ....

May 02,2008 10:11am by justanother

What do you call oral sex between two cannibals? - Trust.

May 02,2008 12:22am by forgetmenot

What's brown and sounds like a bell? - Dung!

Apr 30,2008 9:30am by _Beelzebubba

My sister sent me this one... - After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the sounds, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you gave me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain," reported Eve. Then Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".
"That's a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away." And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. "Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Lets see ..........where did I put the useless boob?"

Apr 26,2008 3:16pm by forgetmenot

Night and the City... - It was midnight in Dire City and yellowish cirrus clouds partially obscured the sickly waning moon. The soaring spires of the vintage art deco brick buildings, relics of the 1930's and 1940's, blended with tarnished modern steel towers, to create a dappled mix of light and shadow, a chiaroscuro blending of darkness and brightness, that gave all of the city the appearance of an old sepia photograph, cracking and fading. Far below, the seedy all-night diners, newsstands, and strip clubs were filled with furtive, shambling forms of humanity.

Now, from somewhere in the sad, desperate street rises a long, piercing shriek followed by cries of desperation. A small, mousy middle-aged man runs frantically out of a dim alleyway; his face is bathed in sweat, and his breath comes in frantic gasps. He falls hard onto the oily surface of the rutted street, landing on jagged broken asphalt. "No, no, no!" he cries.

From out of the alleyway, hot in pursuit, follows a mob of strange figures: they are dressed in black trenchcoats, despite the early summer heat of the city, and wear gray mufflers and black cyclist's goggles to obscure their faces. Several of them carry automatic weapons or motorcycle chains, that they spin about them, like medieval maces. Two of them run up quickly and pull at the triggers of their guns. The guns roar, and several bullets tear into the legs of the figure sprawled in front of them. He squeals in agonized pain and begins to beg incoherently for mercy as he writhes on the ground.

Suddenly, before more shots can be fired, a piercing light blinds all of the trenchcoated figures. It fades to reveal a dark figure, with long cloak flapping behind him in the light breeze, who wears a curious black suit of segmented armor plates. The eyes of the stranger are covered by large golden orbs of curved plexiglass that gleam in the darkness, and his mouth, set in a grimace, lies visible below the sharp nose of the costume.

A bystander calls out, "It's the Black Owl! What's he doing here?"

The trenchcoated figures don't wait for an explanation. They rush the Black Owl en masse with their weapons drawn or swinging.

Apr 26,2008 12:50am by Felix

alien sex - a guy's sitting in a bar hving a drink. All of a sudden an alien sits down next to him,licks its finger and sticks it in the guys ear. he's a little annoyed, but doesn't say anything.the next thing he knows, the alien does it again. this time the guy tells him to quit. five minutes later, it happens again. this time he yels at him to stop. ten minutes later, he finds a finger in his ear. finally, he jumps up and screams, " If you don't quit I'm gonna rip your balls off!". the alien thinks about it for a second, and does it again. the guy jumps up, pulls its pants down, but there was nothing there! in frustration he asks, "How do you screw?!!"
the alien smiles and sticks his finger in the guys ear

Apr 24,2008 11:54am by gilgamesh

condoms! What a - .

Apr 14,2008 10:54pm by nuckinfutz

What did the healthy ghost say to the sick ghost? - You look like sheet.

Apr 13,2008 9:34pm by forgetmenot

How do spiders communicate? - Over the web.

Apr 13,2008 9:33pm by forgetmenot

If male prisoners go to a penal colony, - shouldn't female prisoners go to a vaginal colony?

Apr 13,2008 9:32pm by forgetmenot

then hanging drinking cans of Miller - ...

Apr 13,2008 4:24pm by LCD

She is different in every way - :)