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Bonjour, mon ami! Je m'appelle MadhouseResident!

My Motto is "Very confused...about everything"

Alternate mottos/quotes:

Penis erectus non compos mentis
"A stiff prick knows no conscience"

"Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians."

"Love is friendship caught on fire."

"It is true that the early bird gets the worm,
but it's also true that the second mouse gets the cheese."

"You got it, I want it, let's trade."

"Too much sex just isn't enough."

SONG

Life is ours in vain
Lacking love, which never
Counts the loss or gain.
But remember, ever
Love is linked with pain.

Light and sister shade
Shape each mortal morrow
Seek not to evade
Love's companion, Sorrow
and be not dismayed.

Grief is not in vain,
It's for our completeness.
If the fates ordain
Love to bring life's sweetness
Welcome too its pain.

-Oodgeroo of the Noonuccal

(Note: do not read on unless you are prepared to encouter a mind that has set up long-term residence in the gutter. It will get shallower and shallower the longer you read on. It will also contain painful amounts of nerd and corny. I'm a nice guy, I'm just not the best.)


I have crushes on:(in VERY rough random order)

Rose Byrne: Saw "Wicker Park" and I fell head over heels. Rose's character totally spoke to me on a very intimate level. May sound creepy, but I have a crush on her simply for that role.

Eliza Dushku:Hot, in a dark "Tie me up and hurt me" sort of way. No mortal woman is that sexy, beautiful, tempting, delicious... If the devil had a daughter, or some divine power succeeded at perfection, she has to be the proof. (Pardon me, I need to go scream now...)

Sarah Gellar:More of a bitchy, vanilla version of Ms. Dushku.

Rose McGowan: 5'5" (I'm 5'7", I love shorter women) Has a gothic beauty to her, brutally honest.

Amy Acker: I confess, I have a thing for women with a dark aura about them(see: Eliza Dushku). She's thin as a reed but has a sort of "I may look weaker than a twig but I could kick your ass like it was nothing" air to her.

Jessica Simpson:Dumb as a brick, but friendly and cute. The girl you could see as "One of the guys".


Estella Warren:Let it never be said that I didn't love the Canadians. Any country that could produce the former Olympic swimmer turned supermodel is cool in my book! An amiable, blonde bombshell. An ideal best friend.

Alyson Hannigan:I also have a THING for redheads. Soft, nice, but you know she's a total freak behind closed doors. Just watch the "American Pie" Series. Now if only some unfortunate "accident" would happen to that pesky husband of hers.... If something did, it woud be absolutely tragic. I wouldn't be able to bear it....

Lindsey Lohan:Once again, the Redhead THING. Cute, harmless demeanor, freckles and an adorable button nose. Not to mention she's got curves to make the Venus de Milo cry.

Michelle Trachtenberg: Watch 'Eurotrip' and you'll understand. YOU WILL KNOW!!!

Charisma Carpenter: Unlike Gellar, a total sweetheart. You couldn't ask for a nicer girl. Plus, she's a stop-you-in-your-tracks gorgeous brunette.

Ashanti: Total sweetheart, awesome voice. A dark ebony queen worthy of worship. Plus, I'd think she'd make a great girlfriend. Not just some trophy babe.

Jessica Alba: Most of her movies tend to be of the shadowy, sci-fi-ish genre. Plus, in "Honey" she enjoyably displayed her pleasant flexibility. She's very sweet and likable. And she strikes me as a very approachable person. That's cool.

Victoria Pratt:(From an Interview in STUFF Magazine)WHY SHE’S GREAT: “I’m very flexible, and I don’t have sharp teeth—if you know what I mean.” MR: How can you not LOVE that!?!

Gwen Stefani: She has the "punk sex kitten who is still a normal geek" thing going for her. I can dig it, what punk/goth/geek/normal guy can't? She's an everygirl (in a good way). She cleans up nice and elegant and for some strange reason she reminds me of Marilyn Monroe. That should probably tell me something. You can take her to a sophisticated business get together in a cocktail dress (her, not you) and be pround of her. I can easily picture her in a pair of simple jeans and t-shirt, so you know you can take her home to the 'rents. Plus, she's such a natural punk, you could take her dancing in the clubs or party at a rave with no worries of her fitting in.

Laura Bertram: Find her and you'll see that I am a geek. She can sing, and she seems to have one heck of a set of mammaries.