best : relationship : ON B & W, DO YOU GET ANY RESPECT OR... [+] joke ballot by thesoothsayer ACTIVE Sat Oct 21, 06 - Sun Oct 21, 07 are you like Rodney Dangerfield ? (May he rest in Peace...)Here's a few one liners to cheer you up....from Rodney Dangerfield...He got no respect... Rodney Dangerfield Quotes A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home. And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn’t born a boy, I’d have nothing to play with! During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it. I find there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. I tell ya, my wife and I, we don’t think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect." I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all. I'm so ugly, I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. I’m so ugly my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. My wife and I were happy for twenty years… then we met. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.” One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, “We did everything we could… but he pulled through.” When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, “Look, twins!” With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to “the best woman a man ever had.” The waiter joined me. I get no respect I get respect I give no respect I give respect I can't get no satisfaction Shut your face Register to submit choices Ballot #103849 : SEE RESULTS Comment: Register to submit comments You may still vote without registration show your vote with comment?

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