COMMENTS:
Dear Crazy,
Please take heart. He's a youngster and, unless he puts knives in your bed at night, there is hope.
You have a good supply of liquor in the house, I assume? If not, head straight for the ABC store.
Good luck and God bless,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 9:37am
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Dear Smaller,
I would recommend duct tape or an ice pack. Tight women's knickers might also help.
Good luck, you poor over-endowed fellow,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 10:18am
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Dear Dimension,
Have you an up-to-date passport, or failing that, a nice supply of strong narcotics?
If it helps, I know what you are talking about.
Good luck, my dear,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 10:21am
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Dear Mojo
for weeks now, everywhere i look i see Britney Spears hiding in the bushes, and following me everywhere, stalking me. How do i make her stop or kindly tell her to stop following me?
Smeegol
Dear Hug,
I would recommend reading up on baseball. Next time hubby wants to f*ck, start reeling off stats with great determination and precision. Failing that, describe the details of your last pelvic exam, using diagrams if necessary.
Good luck and God bless,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 11:12am
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Dear Voices,
I would advise a few days alone in a nice, quiet room, with padding on the walls if necessary. No one will disturb you there, and all those people might finally shut up. Little white pills can help, too.
Take care and keep me posted,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 11:15am
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Dear Manipulate,
Mass hypnosis is a risky business, but if you really want to delve into that I can recommend a few publications: Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard; Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler; The Bridges of Madison County by James Waller; and "O" Magazine by Oprah Winfrey.
Don't let all that power go to your head,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 11:20am
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Dear Smeegol,
I would recommend confronting her and kindly asking her to refrain from stalking you. If that doesn't work, take out a restraining order. And remember, with that bum knee she can't catch up with you if you run fast.
All the best,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 11:22am
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thanks
will do, ill go talk to her now. there she is behind the tree, HEY BRITNEY....
Thanks mojo, but can you read these books to me?
by ABC on Thu Sep 09, 04 11:34am
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Dear Manipulate,
As long as it's on your dime, dearie!
Take care now,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 11:36am
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Dear Mojo,
I sometimes post pictures of other users on my User page, (see my user page).
Am I a pervert doing this with pics of beautiful B&W users ?
Confused :O)
Dear Confused,
You have an overactive imagination. You should seek help for this problem from your local priest or clergy. If you are not religious, there are many psychologists who would donate their services, just for the privilege of studying your disorder.
Good luck dear,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 12:02pm
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Dear mojo
I had a one night stand with doctor_fonz, now he thinks he's pregnant. It wouldn't be that bad, but he devours pickles and ice cream like a woolly mammoth on the rag. I can't afford it. Plus, I don't want my true love, keithsheen :) to find out and dump me. We are planning on marrying, wherein I'll become magdalenasheen and he will become keithsdollar. Where can I send fonz to get a male abortion? (I'd go with him, but I don't wanna be seen in public with him.)
Dear Magdalena,
Have you considered the adoption alternative? There are many couples who would love to take a baby with such superior genes into their homes and hearts. If you need a resource, I'd suggest you contact the folks at unwed_pregnant_fathers.org, or call the family planning clinic nearest you.
God bless dear,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 12:58pm
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Dear WAY too much time,
You have presented me with a problem that has me stumped. Might I suggest a 12-Step program, or perhaps a vacation in Hawaii? There's always the possibility of a nationwide power outage, which would throw many of us into withdrawal.
Keep plenty of chamomile tea on hand; also Bach's Rescue Remedy. If all else fails, contact my emergency hotline.
Warm wishes,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 4:18pm
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Dear Mojo:
I made a bunch of ballots at the same time and some user start to say that's annoying. How can i reply to him?
Jake
Dear Jake,
The best thing to do is to ignore this person. When he/she realizes you aren't bothered, they will stop trying to bug you. You are still an All Powerful Knight, which is ALL RIGHT!
Take care of yourself, dear,
Mojo
by mojo on Thu Sep 09, 04 9:05pm
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Dear Mojo,
I recently shaved my head, and I've noticed it's gradually changing shape, into something of a cross between Terry Bradshaw and James Carville. This seems to be a genetic disorder. Should I take pills for this or repeatedly fracture my skull and reset it myself?
Dear Mojo,
I have just been bribed into aborting my eight month unborn baby by a user on this site (between you and me its Magdalensdollar) I have been payed one gallon of melted icecream and two pickled eggs. I now reget accepting my pay off and have changed my mind. IM KEEPING LITTLE OSCAR!! Do you think im doin the right thing?
Dear Millionaire,
To become a millionaire, you first have to make a million dollars. There are several ways to do this : 1) start a wildly successful software corporation; 2) win the lottery; 3) inherit the money; 4) stage a nasty slip-and-fall accident in front of a grocery store security camera; 5) rob a bank and don't get caught. These are just some suggestions. You might also write your life story, which no doubt would become a best seller and be made into a movie starring Tom Cruise. So take heart, my dear, there are many opportunities.
Please keep me posted on your progress,
Mojo
by mojo on Fri Sep 10, 04 9:01am
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Dear LudvigVan,
My dear, what is the problem? Those two you mentioned are yummy men. Be proud of your head, and don't poison you body with chemicals! Make sure you have the right shaver. The Remington is the best in my opinion. Use a light moisturizer after shaving, and here's my special trick - a chamois to polish that beautiful scalp. My dear, the ladies won't be able to keep their hands off you! In fact, I myself would like to .... well, I must maintain my professional demeanor!
Good luck, and give that beautiful head a rub from me,
Mojo
by mojo on Fri Sep 10, 04 9:08am
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Dear Dr_Fonzarelly,
Don't let these crazy pro-choicers make your decision for you! You must go immediately to an unwed father's home in your area for the rest of your confinement. Those sinners can give you all the tempting food in the world - show them this letter and tell them you've decided to keep your precious little Oscar. Who knows, he may grow up to be another Mozart or Picasso, or the first All-Hail on BestandWorst!
Bless you,
Mojo
by mojo on Fri Sep 10, 04 9:15am
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Mojo Dear
Just wondering how can stop my brother Danny from snoring? he refuses to get surgery. HELP! God Bless
Dear Ms_Doubtfire,
I would recommend a product called Breathe-Right strips - IF he will agree to put them on his nose at night. You could paint them in his favourite colour to make it more appealing for him!
Good luck and God bless,
Mojo
by mojo on Fri Sep 10, 04 1:06pm
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Dear Karma,
Your ballots are great. Keep up the good work, and I am sure your karma dreams will come true.
All best,
Mojo
by mojo on Fri Sep 10, 04 5:59pm
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Dear mojo,
Are you still checking this column?
your true friend,
Keith :)
Hi Mojo
I'm a dude!
*Okay* That was just DRY!
I can't beleive I'm posting such Gay-azz comments! I think I need a break. Later
Mojo...reopen this!!
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