COMMENTS:
I don't believe they do. A lot depends upon several things ...
* The calibre of the woman involved. Is she really what you want in a relationship? Do you share values? Or are you reacting on a surface attraction. Why do so many women secretly believe that nice girls finish last?
* What's your success criteria? Getting a real relationship? Getting laid? Getting attention? All of the above?
* Women have needs as well. It is only natural that they'll look for certain characteristics in a potential relationship-worthy man ...
-- Can he make a living? (Yes, while money isn't everything; it isn't nothing, either. Doesn't mean you have to be rich.) If you get dumped for not being rich, you wouldn't have been happy with her, anyway.
-- Temperment and personality.
-- Openness to commitment and intimacy
nice guys allow girls to walk all over them, you bend over backwards to please , and what do you get, heart break, dispair , excessive misery
I married a nice guy. I'll check with him.
by mojo on Sat Jan 29, 05 4:01pm
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and cathexis, getting laid is my success criteria
sad but true
also, dingleberry, I hope this is not based on recent real life experience, if so , i'm very sorry
Cathexis: I LOVE men who cry. They are the most manly of men, IMO.
by mojo on Sat Jan 29, 05 4:10pm
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then you would love me mojo
I do that a lot
larry: Ha ... well, my advice is, make sure you use that honesty.
Most of the criteria I laid out will still apply, IMO, although not for the same reasons.
One key thing: Make sure your partner has the same expectations. One of the biggest problems is when one partner views it as casual sex and the other believes it is an unspoken commitment to a relationship.
Okay, a theory.
With younger people, nice guys and girls do finish last. When you are younger, it is important to be 'cool', because being cool is a sign of strength. It implies, perhaps, leadership. Popularity with the rest of the herd ensures a better chance at survival and is a factor when deciding whom to hit up for makin' babies. In order to lead, you usually have to step on a few people, like the nice guys and girls. Also, younger people are in the process of 'discovering themselves and their place in this world', which makes many suffer from low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem will look for someone 'cooler' than they are to make themselves appear cooler to others. In other words, nice guy B isn't going to go out with nice girl B because he is too busy trying to get with nice girl A, 'cuz she is coooool.
Once you are older, your instinct to procreate with a strong mate diminishes and you start looking for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That's when nice guys finish -- and they DO finish -- but they finish last. Right about the time the 'bad boys' are getting divorced.
larry: Also, once you get a chance to talk, find out what they like and dislike. I find that being considerate to your partner pays off for both parties.
As for letting someone walk all over you ... that is not being nice, it is being unassertive.
A guy can be nice, but still assertive.
mags: An excellent theory, but I would amend it ...
IMO, "as a woman gets older, her criteria for what makes a successful mate evolves and improves."
I've always avoided insensitive men. Perhaps because my father was a bit insensitive toward my mother?
by mojo on Sat Jan 29, 05 4:21pm
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I dated a woman for two years, and she dumped me for a guy who regularly lied to her and cheated almost habitually. And she's still with this clown, last I heard. A mutual friend of ours wants me to make a play for her, but I won't. If she's that stupid, she deserves what comes down to her.
Gee, Mags, that was *very* well put. You are scaring me today!
I have been with a few bad guys, and those relationships didn't work out at all in the long run. I am now with one of the nice guys (he cries during movies, even) and maybe it *is* last for him, but that's because it's going to last.
So, if all you want to do is get laid, quit being so nice! When you're ready for a long term relationship, bring out the nice card again...
Truthseeker, she's the one who lost out.
by mojo on Sat Jan 29, 05 4:24pm
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I disagree, HB ... I've always found "nice" to be a positive thing, even in casual couplings.
I suspect that too many "nice" guys don't exhibit enough assertiveness and that is the problem.
In general, of course ... some women do like "bad." But not all.
Yep, TS, what mojo said. Some people continously make poor decisions because of past experiences that damaged their ability to judge or treat themselves well.
Cath, probably a nice combination of the two theories. I'm sure you are correct and people (not just women!) DO learn what criteria is important when choosing a mate over time. My stab at it was really not thought out, so HB, I appreciate that "deciding whom to hit up for makin' babies" is considered 'well put'. ;)
geez cathexis your blueprint is complicated. ill stick to porn
im a nice guy, but i always finish first, guess thats why i cant keep a girlfriend
that's my greatest fearIddyboop
as long as you get some thats what really counts
men are pigs and im boss hogg
Based on my experiences, I believe nice guys do finish last.
A Liberal: Huff Huff Puff Puff, I can't Finish! *falls down*
I brought my girlfriend on my ship once and this dumbass Boatswain's Mate was trying to talk to a friend of mine, saying, "what the Hell is SHE doing with him?" And my friend calmly turned to the guy and said, "I guess nice guys don't always finish last," and walked away.
Too many women say I like you, your a nice guy and there's not enough out there. Then everytime you see the lady she's out with the wild jerk. I know the ladies like jerks.
No, Bush won.
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