best : religion : YOU MAY ATTEND A REDNECK CHUCH IF........... [+] joke ballot by runyonbybirth created Sat Mar 19, 05 Please add your own...... pastor says "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women If people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish opening day of deer season is recognized ! as an official church holiday. Baptism is referred to as branding If high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling they think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink you are called to service by a duck call final words are "Y'all come back now ya hear the minister and his wife drive matching pickups "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, to A sunday pair of overalls a car on cement blocks is in front of the church the church has an outhouse There is a sofa on the church porch The pastor's name is Cletus If you don't know how to spell CHURCH Your church still has the "wide load" sign on it When a velvet Elvis painting is in the sanctuary When people make change from the offering plate People bring their shotguns to church 1st cousins can get married there there is brother/sister wedding going on Sunday best clothes are bib overalls if Pat Robertson preaches there they sell guns and ammo there is a burning cross on the church lawn the funeral hearse is a pickup truck the congregation appears on Jerry Springer One of the minister's kids is also a grandchild The minister has "Jesus" tatooed on his chest Next sermon is titled "Jesus Don't Take No Shit." Has a picture of Jesus holding an assault rifle Eternal flame powered by propane Minister says hell is just like Massachusetts The minister's robes don't have sleeves Minister says Hillary Clinton is the Anti-Christ Believe that Dale Earnhardt Jr. performs miracles Cross at the altar is made with two by fours Xmas pageant baby Jesus is Cabbage Patch doll Hotdog or Hamburger cookout for the church luncheon Ballot #70007 : SEE RESULTS Comment: show your vote with comment?

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