COMMENTS:
Thats a hard one to answer.{especially without the waterworks}
Ahhhh...NO!
Aww minni... lets hope your B&W family can cheer you up.
I have researched my boyfreinds favourite things all year upto his 21st birthday, then bought him 21 presents.
I bunked off work a good few times to look after my boyf when he was sick.
Let him have the last sweetie in the packet.
Put his socks/towell on the radiator so when he gets out of the shower, he wont be cold.
Get overly excited when he does magic tricks on me, even though iv seen him hide the card in his back pocket.
One thing I did recently was to make him home-cooked meals for a month while I was on a diet and could only eat salad :-)
Good question.
by mojo on Mon May 16, 05 11:39am
[+]
Well so far, its only the ladies who do nice things for their partners, come on boys, your letting yourselves down big time.
Hmmmmm. Here's the hard part, Minni:
None of us like to tout our whistles about good things we may have done. It seems somehow to diminish the sincerity of the act and make it look manipulative.
Still, all of us do loving things. Maybe not as often as we should, but we do.
One thing that I disciplined myself to do is to help someone anonymously from time-to-time. This isn't as easy as it sounds because we want the credit for our goodness. But if you can do this once in a while, you'd be surprised at how, how...ummm, how uplifting it is.
I was inspired to do these acts by a verse I read (don't remember the source) that invites us to do "random acts kindness and unspeakable acts of beauty." Inspirational stuff.
All of us, men included, do these things, and, what is it "Desiderata" invites us to remember? "Love is as perennial as the grass . . ." Indeed. Just try not to mistake the weeds for grass.
Enjoyed your ballot.
Thank you for that griffon, I know the verses you refer to, and yes it is enlightening, however, I just find that when it comes to relationships I go out of my way to accomadate the needs of my partner, however, its never recipitated, how can I best explain this...... its like doing a good thing for somebody you care for and being kicked in the teeth for your troubles. I just wanted to know if men ARE as caring and if so, do they get treated in the same manner, or is it that im too soft and easily taken for granted. Im reaching a stage in my life where im beginning to believe that true love is out of bounds as the repercussions are too high. I need verification that there are people out there with a real heart and conscience, because sadly im still waiting to meet one.
Well, minni, for me the deal works like this: If I truly care for a person, I express it. If they do not return this expression, it may mean that they do not value the connection as much as I do. This can hurt, and may not bode well for the life-expectancy of the relationship, but it is honest. What really turns me off is someone expressing a love or affection that they do not feel. This can feel quite awkward, and when someone we do not romantically love expresses love for us, we feel pressure to respond in kind. This can lead to trouble, and it has been my experience that I am better served in the long haul by being honest about my feelings.
You seem to be hurt that your love for others isn't returned. However, I have quoted Sam Beckett the Irish poet who, after being left by his lover for another said: "Some comfort in realizing that what is good for the loved one is good for the lover." Not sure I could generate quite that level of "comfort," but it expresses an ideal: that if you truly care for someone, that caring should extend to wanting the best for them, even if it isn't with us.
Relationships are tough, and it is work to make them last. The hard part for me is overcoming the boredom of day-to-day life and the restrictions of my liberty.
I ramble on. Thanks for the thought.
Let's see--wash the dishes, clean out the litter box, make repairs on the house, help with the shopping, clean the bathrooms, vacuum the floor. In other words, try to help out a little.
Just a few things that go a long way around here.
My wife and I both work hard, so we have to really partner-up on the domestic chores.
Minni. Rest assured there are some lovely guys out there, and one lovely guy in particular has your name on his heart without even knowing it... yet. ;)
I didn’t get it until I was in my thirties. I was married and divorced. A relationship takes work, give and take, and compromises. Most relationships start out based on sex. Which is not a bad place to start with. I mean, you’re not going to start a relationship if you’re having bad sex with that someone! I know, to some of you out there you may say to yourself; Hey bad sex is better than no sex at all. Well, Not Really.
OK--- now to everybody--- here it is on relationships according to your Uncle Randy...
I think I told this story before in another ballot. But here it is.
So many people get married in this country before they are ready for it. They just don’t know that they are not ready for it. They need to learn what the difference between love and lust first.
Lets start out with being young I mean teenage years. You’re dating someone and every time you’re with that person things happen inside your body. Lets put it this way it gets your juices flowing. You can’t wait to be with that person and nothing else matters. Lets say that both of you feel the same way about each other. You even used those three little words, I Love You, your mind and body are learning the beginning of love and lust. After all you already know the love of family and how you love them. It’s been etched into you from the day you were born. But now this is different. This is WOW. So you and your partner have sex for the fist time. It probably was clumsy and a little awkward. It most likely was over before it even got started. For her, she’s telling herself, this is it, this is what they write all this poetry about. For him, he got his rocks off and he now thinks of himself as a big stud. And they both say to themselves this is it, this must be love. Because I love him/her. Say now you’re out of school and starting your carrier. You’re dating, and this time when you have sex, this partner bring out the best in you and you bring out the best in her. Lets just say the Rockets Red Glared and the Bombs Bursting In Air type sex. And now you say to yourself WOW! This is it. This must be love. So many people end up getting married and have children based on these feelings. But this is not love. This is lust. I am not saying that this cannot turn into love, you really have to work at it to turn it into love. But for those who got married and didn’t work at it. Turning that lust into love usually ends up divorce court. And it’s a shame, especially if they have children. But, for so many of us, this is the real world. And the fact is that they should have never gotten married in the first place. I have a simple way of telling yourself if you may be ready to get married. Especially for the guys. And here it is. If you’re with someone and believe that you are in love with her and that she is the one. Take this little test with yourself and see. You’re engaged to be married. Now say you are salesman on a out-of-town trip, just for argument sakes. You are in the hotel bar after work and a women comes on to you. A little flirting, a little chitchat never hurt anyone right? She now offers a sexual favor and you know that there is no way anybody will find out about it. Do you take this advance from her? If you take it, you failed and you are not ready for marriage. If you think about it and stew over it, but decline because you’re just a little apprehensive. You may not have completely failed, but you may not be ready for marriage. If you can honestly tell yourself no thank you and refuse, you might be ready for marriage.
When you find that someone, and your in love, work at it. Remember you have to turn that lust into love and it takes years. The sex life in a relationship also changes over the years. It started out really passionate, but over time it changes. It takes work to sustain a healthy sex life. And if you don’t work at it, it will fade, and that’s when the lust in love loses its luster. And you may end up headed for divorce.
I have worked hard at my relationships, much harder than most, ive made sacrifices, big ones, and compromised, ive been though the traumatic events but battled on regardless for the sake of my partner, I had a 14 year marraige, followed by a 6 year relationship and then a 2 year relationship, but no matter what I do, they ALWAYS let me down in a big way. I dont have huge expectation, im not the least bit demanding and I work damn hard to halve the burden of resposibility for my partner. Im not looking for marraige, I would be perfectly happy if I could just find a man who would afford me the same respect and compassion that I give to them, I dont think that im asking too much, but as yet, I still havent found a man to even slightly resemble this picture. *sigh* I dont think they exsist, or certainly not in my experience.
|
