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COMMENTS:
was it a werecanis familiaris?
no, were as in werewolf
A wolf? Where!
Great...now I got a wolf after me.
A sharp manually inflicted concussion to it's vulnerable proboscis should repel it sufficiently for you to withdraw out of the range of the creatures inquisitive incisors. I then suggest that you seek the immediate attention of someone well qualified in the Hippocratic arts (perhaps even a specialist in posterial trauma).
Some good advice in here. But I think that making forced manual contact with the offending snout may or may not work, as the lower incisors have now migrated to my nutsack. As to compound the issue, the lower canine teeth are dangerously close to puncturing my rectum.
I fear I may at this juncture have to emit a loud feminine vocalisation to hopefully attract the attention of a professional rescue team.
And then the Omnipotent spoke to the homo sapien Um__Yeah, and an utterance emanated from the firmament into the heavily foliaged area saying, "Oh, homo sapien, remember thou the hierarchy of things as thy creator hast established them. Remember, and forget thou not, that thou art homo sapien; whilst this poor, wretched beast is merely a canis familiaris. His is no match for thy unparalleled intellect among the living creatures of this terrestrial sphere that thou dost call home! For he has only slightly bruised thy gluteus maximus; and, thou mayest now invade his cranial cavity and capriciously copulate with his cerebrum, yea even as far as his cerebellum wilt I suffer this to come about, not unlike thou hast posted upon thy userpage." "LOOK! Even now thou standest at a crossroad in this heavily foliaged area betwixt it's 'best and worst' radiant organic oxygenating chlorophyll stacks. Why standest thou there having configured your organic news disseminator in such a manner as to further alienate the beast from thy presence? Evaluate post haste the course of action which thou shalt precipitously pursue. Verily thy choices are trifold, but two alone are compassionate and lifegiving, and alas, only one represents my perfect will. Choose now this day which course thou shalt take. Wilt thou capriciously copulate with the cerebrum and cerebellum of this canis familiaris; or, wouldest thou that a canis familiaris which has been traumatized by being brutally smitten with a properly configured organic news disseminator be released to prey upon other less perceptive homo sapiens in the heavily foliaged area; or, shalt thou choose the noblest and most selfless course, and befriend the beast? Answer me now, Um__Yeah, for I have endowed thee with eyes that can penetrate and perceive the deepest inward motivations of this mongrel. If thou befriendest him now, perchance he may surprise thee one early morn by ambulating through the heavily foliaged area and retrieving thy organic news disseminator whilst thou art still in thy domicile sleeping."
Upon which the homo sapien Um__Yeah who had previously remained silent spoke and said, "If it is a decision that I must make...(????) tune in next time for the continuing saga of Um__Yeah and his ambulatory journey through the heavily foliaged area.
In the words of the little kid on the Oscar Mayer Bologna commercial,
"how's that?"
Drink a cold Dr. Pepper and catch your breath.
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